honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I could fuck to npr.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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