I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Randomize
