Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
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she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
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He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
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