had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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