Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I don't think brook has ever known best
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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