I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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