she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
This is my gift to your gina
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
