I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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