apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
this hospital has no fireball
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
