I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
