It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
