He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
