are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
