I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
