8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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