i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
