You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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