you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
