definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
