He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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