im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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