I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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