There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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