I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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