Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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