Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
