is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize