he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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