I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
