plz talk dirty to me
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
