Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
