I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
