The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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