What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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