and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
