ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
