Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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