sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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