Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize