I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize