I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
