I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
