i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
