ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
