we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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