you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
