Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Farmville is her only friend.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
