I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
