he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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