If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
