Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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