What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
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Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
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His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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