Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
