just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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