I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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