Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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