The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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