Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
