i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
