don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
