how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I have aggressive nipples.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
