Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
