I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
