i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
