i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You need Xanax blowdarts
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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