I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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