i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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