There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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