he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
