Your tits are I can't wait for
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My ass is underappreciated
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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