Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
