Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you didnt know i had herpes?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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