it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
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Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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