do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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