THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
