we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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