we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He called his prostate his "boner button".
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
