is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
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