So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
