Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
